


help me remember to forget

by Ravens_World



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Bobby Knows TM, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:27:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29331543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravens_World/pseuds/Ravens_World
Summary: "I keep telling myself that, but it won't. It never gets better; it just keeps getting worse.""It won't always be that way, kid. I promise."Some much needed comfort after 4x04
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 308





	help me remember to forget

**Author's Note:**

> Writing this 2k fic was very therapeutic for me after the hell 4x04 put me (and Buck) through.
> 
> Prompt was: Can you please do a fic where it’s the aftermath of the dinner and buck goes to bobby for comfort and bobby gets protective, add in some of Eddie being a soft boyfriend to buck and hugs all the hugs 
> 
> Did I give Buck too many hugs? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. 
> 
> Also featuting: oblivious idiots (Buddie), dad!Bobby feels, and Bobby Knows TM. 
> 
> I hope you like it 🖤
> 
> Happy Reading!!

The bang of the heavy, metal door hitting the concrete wall was louder than Bobby had expected it to be,and it startled the lone figure sitting on the edge of the roof so much that he fumbled with the bottle he was carrying and ended up dropping it. 

Buck made a mournful sound, but otherwise showed no other reaction. He kept his eyes downcast, and Bobby kept his eyes on him.

Neither of them moved.

"What are you doing here, Bobby?"  
Buck sounded monotone, like he was just going through the motions, and it scared Bobby out of his mind. He closed his eyes, and there was a split second where all he could feel was panic, and all he could think about was that he needed Buck away from that ledge now. 

When the panic subsided a little, Bobby opened his eyes and found Buck watching him. "I'm not gonna jump," he told him, and it seemed genuine, if a bit lifeless. 

"Then why are you up here, Buck?"

"I like it here," Buck whispered simply. His eyes were closed and there was a small smile on his lips. 

It senta shiver down Bobby's spine. He advanced cautiously, heart in his throat, and thinking that any minute, Buck would tell him to not come closer, to stay away. But he didn't.

"Can I join you?"

Buck just shrugged. 

Bobby sat down next to him, giving him space, but keeping him within reaching distance. "You want to talk?"

"I _am_ all talked out, cap."

"Alright," he agreed easily, grateful that Buck at least let him stay. "I don't think I've ever seen you drunk."

He hadn't. And it was weird. Drunk Buck was the polar opposite of sober Buck. He was quiet, solemn, and his movements were slow and tired.

"Probably because I never _want_ to get drunk."

"There's a story there," Bobby prodded, trying to get him to talk about anything, really.

"Not a fun one, I'm afraid." He opened his eyes and glanced at Bobby. "I'm okay, Bobby. You can go," he told him softly, but Bobby could tell he didn't mean it. Buck seemed to be hanging on by a thread, and Bobby desperately wanted to help him.

"I think I'll stay for a little while, if that's okay with you."

"Okay."  
.

They stayed on the roof for thirty minutes or so, and spent that time in complete silence.

Bobby didn't mind, but he had to admit that he was shocked. He hadn't known Buck could manage thirty seconds of complete silence, let alone thirty minutes. Buck swayed in place, and it took Bobby calling his name five times to get his attention. 

"Yeah?"

"You want to head down? Get some sleep?"

Buck nodded and made to get up, and Bobby stood hurriedly to help him. The younger man was heavy, but Bobby managed to get him down the stairs and the elevator with only a little trouble. 

"Buck, give me your keys." When the younger man made no move to take out his keys, Bobby shook him a little. " _Buck_!"

He startled a little, moving away from Bobby and leaning against the wall. "Huh?"

Bobby, despite everything that was going on, huffed in amusement. "Your keys, kid."

" _Oh_!" It took him three tries, but he was able to get his keys out of his pocket and handed it to Bobby.

He unlocked the door quickly and dragged Buck inside and up the stairs. The bed was still made, so Buck hadn't even attempted to sleep before he went up to the roof. Bobby wondered how long he'd been up there.

He gently helped the kid lay down, then pulled the covers over his body and tucked them around him tightly. Though Buck's eyes were closed, Bobby knew he wasn't asleep. He rested his hand on Buck's hair for a few seconds, then started to softly comb his fingers through the younger man's hair. Buck kept his eyes closed, but his breathing became shakier with every movement, and when he squeezed his eyes shut, Bobby halted his hand's movements. Seconds later, Buck's eyes opened, and Bobby felt like the air was punched out of his chest. 

The kid was in a world of hurt.

His blue eyes were red and filled with tears, his lips, hell, his whole body was trembling and it felt like he wanted to say something but couldn't bring himself to. "Buck, what can I do?"

Those seemed to be the magic words. Buck let out an almost silent sob, and his whole face crumbled. His hands came up to cover his face, and Bobby couldn't take it. He gripped his wrists and hauled him up. Buck went willingly and all but collapsed into his chest. His sobs weren't silent anymore; they were heaving, loud and heartbreaking. Bobby's arms tightened around Buck's back and one of his hands came up to stroke the back of his head. 

"It'll get better, kid."

"It won't," Buck cried. "I keep telling myself that, but it won't. It never gets better; it just keeps getting worse."

"It won't always be that way, kid. I promise." 

Bobby didn't like making promises he couldn't keep, and he often made an effort not to. But after seeing Buck like this; fragile, broken and hopeless, all that mattered to Bobby was to make the kid feel better. 

Bobby nudged him away gently, then held his face in his hands, wiping away the tears that were still falling silently. "It will get better, and until then, you'll have me, Maddie, Eddie, Chimney and Hen right there with you. You are loved, Buck." He closed his eyes and hung his head. "I love you, kid. I may not say it much, but you're- you're-"

Buck cracked a smile. "Thank you." He played with the comforter and avoided Bobby's eyes. "Working with you, with our team, that's the best thing that ever happened to me, Bobby. You, _especially_ \- you gave me a family."

"You did, too," Bobby told him sincerely, looking him in the eye to let him know he meant it. He squeezed his neck and smiled, watched Buck smile shakily back. "Why don't you get some sleep, kid?"

He pulled back the covers and gestured for him to lay down. Buck didn't protest as he, for the second time that night, basically tucked him in. 

Bobby couldn't help but wonder if anybody ever tucked Buck in when he was younger? 

There was an un spoken fear in the younger man's eyes, and Bobby understood immediately. He got up, took off his jacket and his shoes and sat on the edge of the bed, back to the metal railing. He picked up a book from Buck's bedside. "You mind if I read this?"

Buck shook his head. "Go ahead."

"The Passage. Is it any good?"

Buck shrugged. "I only got it a couple of days ago, haven't had the chance to read it yet."

Bobby hummed and opened to the first page. He cleared his throat and began to read aloud. " _The road to death is a long march beset with all evils, and the heart fails little by little at each new terror, the bones rebel at each step_..." Bobby read through the first four pages before he chanced a look at Buck and found him sleeping. 

In his sleep, with his cheeks flushed from crying and his hair a mess, Buck looked painfully young. Too young to have gone through so much in his life. 

Bobby had been sure from the start that Buck didn't have the best family life, and the evidence was simply in the way he'd latched onto this team with all he had and how hard he fought to keep them.

He'd known that and yet, he'd never anticipated just how much having his parents back would hurt him. Bobby may not know all the details, but he knew enough to make him want to grab Margaret and Phillip Buckley and throw them right out of their kids' lives.

Bobby grabbed his phone, and was surprised when he saw the time. 11:37 pm. They had an early shift tomorrow, so he should probably go home, but- he didn't have the heart to leave him. So, he took a pillow from the other side of the bed, put it behind his back, and opened the book again. He knew he wasn't going to sleep tonight, knew it was pointless to even try, so he might as well do something productive. 

.

"Cap?"

Bobby's head snapped up from where it had been resting on his chest and he winced at the crick in his neck. "Eddie? What are you doing here?"

"Same thing as you, probably."

They both looked to Buck, who had at one point during the night, drifted closer to Bobby and buried his face in his side. "How's he doing?"

"Found him drunk on the roof yesterday. Scared the crap out of me."

Eddie walked closer and sat on the foot of the bed. "He does that a lot." At Bobby's questioning look, he elaborated. "Going up to the roof, especially when he's upset. Took some time to get used to." Then he frowned and bit his lips. "How was drunk Buck?" Bobby could tell Eddie wanted to levitate the mood, but there really wasn't any way to do that with the current situation.

"Quiet," Bobby replied, hand going to Buck's hair. "Really quiet." And sad, and tired, he thought but didn't say. 

Eddie's face fell, and there was so much worry there. "let's go downstairs before we wake him up," he suggested, probably because Buck was a really light sleeper, and even their whispering would have woken him eventually. 

They went downstairs and Bobby beelined to the kitchen, starting on breakfast. Eddie helped by leaning on the counter and pointing out where everything was, a fact which was not lost on Bobby. 

"His parents are leaving tomorrow," Eddie told him with a scowl. 

Bobby was surprised. "That's it?"

"I know, right?!" Eddie exclaimed. "They make a mess, and just expect their kids to clean it up. Did you know they haven't even talked to him after he found out?" Eddie hissed, and Bobby was surprised at how worked up Eddie was now compared to yesterday. That must mean one thing; Eddie knew whatever it is that had hurt Buck. 

"You know."

Eddie blinked at him. "You don't?"

Bobby shook his head. 

"I thought, since you're here, he must have told you."

Bobby shook his head. "He was off yesterday, I could feel something was wrong. I came by to check on him, that's all."

Eddie smiled at him. "I'm glad he has you, Bobby."

"He has all of us."

Eddie nodded. "Yeah, he does, but you're differe-"

"Eddie?"

They were both startled by Buck's appearance and he raised an eyebrow at their surprised expressions. "Don't look so surprised to see me, I live here." 

Eddie rolled his eyes and Bobby noticed that he'd almost unconsciously gravitated towards Buck the minute the younger man had appeared at the foot of the stairs. Bobby shook his head at them and wondered if they were as oblivious as they seemed to be when it came to their feelings for each other. 

They were talking in hushed tones now, and Bobby wasn't all that surprised when Eddie pulled Buck into a tight hug. A small smile crept onto Buck's lips, and Bobby only caught a glimpse of it before the younger man hid it in the crook of Eddie's shoulder. 

After they pulled away from each other, Eddie disappeared up the stairs and Buck joined Bobby by the sink. "How are you feeling?" 

Buck shrugged. "Better." He grabbed a dish towel and started to dry what Bobby washed. "Smells good," he commented.

Bobby smiled. "Trying something new today. If it's good, maybe I'll teach you how to make it?"

Buck faltered, and he put the spoon down carefully before he turned to Bobby. "Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, you know I love to cook, Buck."

He shook his head. "Not just for that. For yesterday- I- I'm sorry I was such a mess, but- thank you for being there. For always being there for me. It means more than you think, Bobby."

Bobby dried his hands then pulled the younger man into his arms. "You never have to thank me for that, Buck. Ever."

They pulled away, and Eddie came downstairs in that moment. The timing was suspicious, but Bobby didn't comment on it. 

"How long till the food's done, cap? I'm starving!"

Bobby smiled. "A couple of minutes. Why don't you two set the table?"

Bobby watched them work together, and realized that these two were a team on and off the clock. What they had was truly special. He just hoped they could both realize their feelings before things get too complicated.

They sat down to eat, and the boys both started to compliment his cooking. Bobby smiled, then steered blthe conversation towards the book, teasing Buck with spoilers. Eddie joined in, asking Bobby questions about the plot with a smirk.

"You're evil," Buck exclaimed, throwing his hands up un the air. "I hate you both."

But he was smiling, and it was big and genuine with no hint of sadness whatsoever.

Bobby was sure now. 

Buck was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have any prompts for me, I'm buckleyiaz69 on tumblr!


End file.
